I'm Staying Afloat. Here's how.

I thought for sure this transition—separating from my husband and moving into my own place—would be more energizing than anything.

Instead, it feels like I've been walking through a haze.

The choice I made to leave catapulted me into the deep end, and I thought I knew how to swim.

I do not.

A large part of my daily routine these days consists of keeping myself alive and afloat. It is not sexy.

It looks like sweaty runs and long walks. Hours outside. Therapy appointments. Dabbing away tears. Knees in the garden pulling weeds and fending off the naughty deer trying to eat my roses and vegetables. Making myself regular meals. Writing non-cohesive thoughts in my journal. Voxer conversations with my astrologer friend. Applying for part-time jobs (and getting rejected from every single one). Biking kids to their activities. Being around people in my community. Indulging in delicious stories. Tucking myself into bed each night.

Finally fessing up to this—that most of my energy goes into keeping myself alive—is hardly something I need to apologize for or be ashamed of.

In fact, it makes me wonder: do we ever fully exit survival mode?

Isn't this just what it means to be human?

We are constantly being thrown into new situations and perplexing experiences, gasping for air, sputtering, trying to find stable ground. And when we finally catch our breath and stand on our own two feet, life seems to hurl us back out over our heads again.

Much of our days are spent in maintenance mode, can we all agree? Making sure we're okay.

When I find the hurt—which I inevitably do—I go into survival mode and try my best to nurse myself back to a place where I feel supported, even when the waters are churning all around me.

Could we make survival mode sexy?

To me, there is nothing hotter than someone who knows how to save themselves. Someone who can throw a lifeline to their own flailing heart.

What are the rituals and routines you reach for when life isn't what you expected? When you feel like you're drowning? When you're dizzy with confusion?

Tell me, what keeps you afloat?